Yikes.....I have some explaining to do

OK for all five of you who ever read this or look at it, my last post was a little despairing for want of a better word, but, this is what this is for. Being able to write openly and honestly, no? That was exactly the way I felt at the time I wrote that and I am very happy to say that since then, I am feeling a bit better. Honestly though, i have been feeling down in the dumps and no matter how hard I try to "pick myself up and move on and put on a brave face", I am tired of it. I have done it long enough. While I am not allowing myself to sit and wallow, (who has time for that anyway these days?) I am accepting that this is not going away and dealing.

To clarify, my therapist referred me to a shrink as the funk I'm in ain't going nowhere right now. So she has diagnosed me with having a mild depression and the good ol insomnia that goes along with it. She also has interestingly diagnosed me with having ADHD, but, she is going to do more investigation into that once my depression is under control. As she said, "we'll tackle one thing at a time".

The Irish attitude towards depression usually goes as follows:
" ah sure, u'll be grand, not a bother on ya"
or something like
"a good night out and get a few drinks into ya"

So I is ok, not great, but hopefully getting there. I might sound a tad dramatic but, this is what is going on right now. It's not a huge deal, millions of people have and go through depression once, if not a few times in their lives. Mine has been building for a while and a mix of weight issues, financial worries, despising my job and working in a poisonous atmosphere, splitting with the possible love of my life, a parental death, missing other people who have passed, hearing nothing but bad news on the media, and on and on.

Now, I have fallen into the trap of thinking, gosh compared with others, I have NOTHING to worry about. And I know I don't but I can't get past this either. AH it's really hard to explain. As my therapist told me, I need to stop boo hooing whenever I get hurt, or feel bad, it's a real emotion and I have never really learned to deal with it properly. And no, Daddy didn't hug me enough as a child hahahaha. But, I am allowing myself to go through this for once, and taking this on, and dealing.

It's a real thing. It's not a good thing, but it's real. And it's happening to me for now. Hopefully not for long, I am not allowed drink and silly season is on it's way.........

PS. For the record, I am not sitting in my room wailing and crying and listening to Air Supply, that only happens on Sundays hahahahahahha (<----- me own best audience I know)

PPS. U guys rock! thank u for listening and asking and giving a shit! xoxoxo

I Don't know

If I am going to continue with this or not. Am in such a strange place in my life and while I am not scared as such, am so confused, in a funk and fed up for want of a better expression. I am screaming and no one can hear me, that is the best description I can come up with.